Scenery of Blah

Have you ever been out on sunny beautiful pixel day water shimmering and just felt blah and
wanted to log off?
That is how I am feeling right now, not exactly sure why at the moment.

But I turned it into a painting

Drama, and Tired

I came to second life with my own share of deep personal wounds and problems.
I guess I was one of those unfortunate people who had life escape I guess.
I create this one blog as way to share the creations, thing steps of those creations,
things I had hope to sell.
But I feel I have failed and I am tired.
I am just tired of everything and want to give up.
I am tired of struggling for seventy hours a week to make things and my brain and body
never allowing improvement.
I am tired of hitting walls of exhaustion with every attempt I try.
Worse yet is just feeling of helplessness.
Then there is drama.
Sometimes it unavoidable something happens with your health, events happen tear down your self esteem, events or crime happens that leave you victimized and traumatized, partner or family member dies,
you find the love of your life no longer finds you desireable and rather sleep with others.
Those things are part of life sadly.
Then we come into our virtual lives sometimes hoping for more what do we find?
Do we find the good or do we find things that lead us stress, retraumatized?
And of course we always turn of the computer and walk away but the feelings, the attachments, the wounds
are still there.
All the broken dreams still remain.
And it suppose to be just game but for many it was hope for second chance for something else.
Something that I have realized will no longer be.
I don't know what I am going to do but my eyes are opening and I am not sure I like what I see.
I am tired and all I want to do is sleep.
I don't feel their is any hope left.
I realize on some level we may be responsible for our realities, some are better at improving
and changing their reality.
Then their are people like myself where may their is no hope for and either way any wishes
I have had for my life just seems like fantasies now that will never be.
I am starting to see perhaps this is truth about my life regardless of reality.
I realize maybe the truth is even my friends aren't my friends as I wrote in my private blog
the following  entry under "Bullies, abusers, giving in and give up"
My partner warned me that may none of these people who said they cared about truly cared,
that just maybe he is right but I don't know any more.
I guess I don't want to believe it because if I believed it meant all the kindness was sheer pity gifts
and meant very little about the condition of humanity improving and hope for me to have something better.
I am tired. I know I wouldn't put drama any more here but I am just fed up and it not like
there is very many people at the moment I can takl too so I am putting it out here.
Bullies, Abusers, Giving in and Giving up 
Sad that even amongst my circle of friends their are Bullies and those who allow it to happen.
No one ever stands up them.
They secretly complain or placate then don't do anything abut it.
Worse yet is they buddy up with these people in name of love and caring when their basically
drama queens and bullies.
I have tried to be sensitive to my friends, I have lot going on in my own life.
I don't want to ruin their fun  so I keep to myself.
I do what I can to not be burden to them especially  so I don't have to listen to their snide comments.
I understand some comments are made in jest because they've reached their limits.
Some comments are productive, helpful, some are not.
I am fed up. Perhaps it time to move on, to move on to somewhere no one knows me so that I am not
burden to anyone.
I am fed up with people who I have called friends who speak of noble things and then allow
certain things to continue like it not worth their time or they don't want to get messy and ruin their
fun.
I haven't decide what I am going to do but their is going to be change.
That means also things with FD is going to be changing for lot of you.
I am tired.
While I love and appreciate you all, I am so tired, I am so tired of it all and things must change.
And if they don't change there will be no more FD.
I am fed up. I am fed up trying. I give up.

Doodling with photos, FD's first photos

I am learning how to do doodles with my first camera and photos.

PG ratings, Mature ratings, Erotic confessions, Music

Some people get into online cyber sex, some like poseballs.
I am not really into that, most of time I lead a very  rated PG life.
Yet there are some things and times I am not rated PG.
One I like erotic music and even erotic art. This is why I have this blog
has adult warning.(Edit: but then I realized there is a whole of nude and mature
content out there in blogger.com that doesn't so why should I? I just put warnings
on each post if its not work safe or has nudity.)
I have been feeling very stressed out and decided not to login into SL
today.
I moved to PG rated land recently so my favorite music channels I can't listen to while in SL
for now and even when I do find a few they just are not always sensual enough for my liking..
I have been trying to find more erotic music I can listen to for while for
when I am in the mood.
Stumble upon this in search, http://www.rhapsody.com/erotic
Still looking but it has some nice songs, romantic, sensual and erotic dance, gothic.
and electronic influenced music there.
It will do and create some diversions:)
This is funny video, has cartoon nudity and song is ab called Help me Doctor Dick.
This video has cartoon nudity and adult language  in it.