Fetlife & Second Life

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Christmas Freebies

Christmas is here and I did make some freebies but I am feel too unrezzed to put them in vendor,etc.
I guess I am feeling lazy.

Here is peek of them.

Working on fur lined clothes, Mountains

Recently I have been sleeping a whole lot tired and unmotivated but I did raise some mountains and attempt some fur textures but I ran into some issues.
Not happy with it and I need to take this free stock white fur and practice drawing it more 3d
Ideally I want to make my own fur but for personal mock up I used it, but its not going to be available anywhere for now until I can draw out my own realistic 3d fur.
Tutorials and I don't go well what usually works for me is drawing out the texture by hand based on texture I am going for and until I understand how it is made.
This is how I have done wood but its far from what I want to be yet.
I tried to make a fuzzy fur texture from tutorial that was geared toward PS 6 but it just didn't work out, so maybe few naps latter I can produce what I want better later.
Here is snapshots of what I have done maybe later I show the hand draw brown fur I made by hand but the repeats just don't look right, included is my mountain climbing adventure scenes.

 

upclose image is hand drawn 100%

To Hippo or not Hippo ?Offline building

This is other viewer and another tutorial on how to do stand alone opensource sim bit more complex, vew more steps. It uses the Hippo viewer.
http://imohax.com/2008/11/01/run-opensim-install-build-and-connect-to-windows-standalone/
On my too do list is use this site bit more but the downside is I need to use SL to import or some grid
that will except it.
http://halfpastnull.com/

Stand Alone Sims. Virtual Private Island for nothing, for dummies.

I have been trying to figure out way for months to figure out how to do Stand alone Sim.
Most of the information is way over my head, so complecated.
Thing is lot of stuff out there when dealing with some subjects is very complex.
If you want to do more complex things it often does seem you need Computer Programing and
Engineering degree.
I am not the smartest cookie out there, I do not have Computer Programing back ground.
I won't be able to script complex things into my Private Island in my Stand alone sim but
I will be able to test textures, build and do some creative things without the dings of instant messages,
neighbors, and pantless grievers with dangly male bits walking through my home trying to hump female guest.
I recently messed with land terraform tools and height wise of the mountains I have found no limit in how
high I can go.
Of course there is somethings that don't work as well as Second Life but for all the years I have been on Second Life or some other virtual world there is always something going buggy.
And then for the space on my private island in Second life I would to paying close to 15,000 usd  or more
for the first year and little 9000 usd for following years I had it.
I don't have the know how to do complex things but I have the space on hard drive to do things I would normally have do in Second Life without the distractions of being in Second Life.
I still plan on keeping my tiny 1536 meter lot in Second Life, I still enjoy hanging out with my friends but truthfully I have become spoiled when I was able to have bigger lot and more prims but I am just unwilling to pay the cost for the prims and space.
Anyway these are the steps in how to have a private Island of your own on your own hard drive.
1) Go to  http://openlifegrid.com/Downloads/tabid/67/Default.aspx
2)  Download the 3dx studio, addons, viewer
 Download and Install viewer version R15.1
3)Important step because if you use the 3dxstudio you won't be able to rez prim once you're on the island.
This is what Kitsy from forum told me.
"Navigate into the default installation folder (in Windows this is C:\Program Files\3DX OpenlifeGrid\ 3DXServer Studio Ose) and look for the icon for “OpenSim.32BitLaunch.exe”. Right click on that file and choose “Send To” then from the menu select “Desktop (Create shortcut). Now when you connect with that shortcut your problem should be resolved."
When you run the 3DX server this way, you won't have the pretty GUI, but you should be able to build.

4) For starting the program first time click the Opensim 32bit launch.exe icon on your desktop.
Window in black will pop up with lots of compile data when it is done it will end with this line
OpenSim: Region (root) #:
Go to you Openlife viewer R15.1
When you're at Login screen
type in user name Test User password Password.
To the right of the [Login] button is a drop down menu. In that, choose 'local'
 Then hit connect and login.
5) To quit program,
Also, to shutdown the server, you'll need to type the word: quit in the server window.

**When I want to quit the application I quit first the viewer the normal way and and go into the dos window and just hit the X button because it doesn't allow me to type quit. It may I just haven't figured out how but it still works.
Footnote: I finally did figure out where to type quit you need to hit the return button when the flashy line ends type in quit .***


Downside is whenever you login you're going to be Ruthed, your clothes and skin won't stay on when you log out..
And to make the appearance work you need to put on the clothing or skin, body part items in your inventory to get appearance to allow you to change your appearance.
I haven't figured out get poses to work.
There is other things I haven't figured out but mean while there is things to create.
There is lot of wiki's and information that explain how to do this in very complex ways the thing is if you just
want to do basic things don't worry about Myslq or Sqlite.
More complex information here from Rock if you want to read more.
Edit: One of my friends tried this and had error messages and it didn't work the next time I will investigate error messages and why  things don't always work.

Newest clothing Experiments

I have been sort of in weird head space recently.
I created few things this week, done some clothing experiments but it's not exactly yet how I like

it to be but here is sneak peak.

Scenery of Blah

Have you ever been out on sunny beautiful pixel day water shimmering and just felt blah and
wanted to log off?
That is how I am feeling right now, not exactly sure why at the moment.

But I turned it into a painting

Drama, and Tired

I came to second life with my own share of deep personal wounds and problems.
I guess I was one of those unfortunate people who had life escape I guess.
I create this one blog as way to share the creations, thing steps of those creations,
things I had hope to sell.
But I feel I have failed and I am tired.
I am just tired of everything and want to give up.
I am tired of struggling for seventy hours a week to make things and my brain and body
never allowing improvement.
I am tired of hitting walls of exhaustion with every attempt I try.
Worse yet is just feeling of helplessness.
Then there is drama.
Sometimes it unavoidable something happens with your health, events happen tear down your self esteem, events or crime happens that leave you victimized and traumatized, partner or family member dies,
you find the love of your life no longer finds you desireable and rather sleep with others.
Those things are part of life sadly.
Then we come into our virtual lives sometimes hoping for more what do we find?
Do we find the good or do we find things that lead us stress, retraumatized?
And of course we always turn of the computer and walk away but the feelings, the attachments, the wounds
are still there.
All the broken dreams still remain.
And it suppose to be just game but for many it was hope for second chance for something else.
Something that I have realized will no longer be.
I don't know what I am going to do but my eyes are opening and I am not sure I like what I see.
I am tired and all I want to do is sleep.
I don't feel their is any hope left.
I realize on some level we may be responsible for our realities, some are better at improving
and changing their reality.
Then their are people like myself where may their is no hope for and either way any wishes
I have had for my life just seems like fantasies now that will never be.
I am starting to see perhaps this is truth about my life regardless of reality.
I realize maybe the truth is even my friends aren't my friends as I wrote in my private blog
the following  entry under "Bullies, abusers, giving in and give up"
My partner warned me that may none of these people who said they cared about truly cared,
that just maybe he is right but I don't know any more.
I guess I don't want to believe it because if I believed it meant all the kindness was sheer pity gifts
and meant very little about the condition of humanity improving and hope for me to have something better.
I am tired. I know I wouldn't put drama any more here but I am just fed up and it not like
there is very many people at the moment I can takl too so I am putting it out here.
Bullies, Abusers, Giving in and Giving up 
Sad that even amongst my circle of friends their are Bullies and those who allow it to happen.
No one ever stands up them.
They secretly complain or placate then don't do anything abut it.
Worse yet is they buddy up with these people in name of love and caring when their basically
drama queens and bullies.
I have tried to be sensitive to my friends, I have lot going on in my own life.
I don't want to ruin their fun  so I keep to myself.
I do what I can to not be burden to them especially  so I don't have to listen to their snide comments.
I understand some comments are made in jest because they've reached their limits.
Some comments are productive, helpful, some are not.
I am fed up. Perhaps it time to move on, to move on to somewhere no one knows me so that I am not
burden to anyone.
I am fed up with people who I have called friends who speak of noble things and then allow
certain things to continue like it not worth their time or they don't want to get messy and ruin their
fun.
I haven't decide what I am going to do but their is going to be change.
That means also things with FD is going to be changing for lot of you.
I am tired.
While I love and appreciate you all, I am so tired, I am so tired of it all and things must change.
And if they don't change there will be no more FD.
I am fed up. I am fed up trying. I give up.

Doodling with photos, FD's first photos

I am learning how to do doodles with my first camera and photos.

PG ratings, Mature ratings, Erotic confessions, Music

Some people get into online cyber sex, some like poseballs.
I am not really into that, most of time I lead a very  rated PG life.
Yet there are some things and times I am not rated PG.
One I like erotic music and even erotic art. This is why I have this blog
has adult warning.(Edit: but then I realized there is a whole of nude and mature
content out there in blogger.com that doesn't so why should I? I just put warnings
on each post if its not work safe or has nudity.)
I have been feeling very stressed out and decided not to login into SL
today.
I moved to PG rated land recently so my favorite music channels I can't listen to while in SL
for now and even when I do find a few they just are not always sensual enough for my liking..
I have been trying to find more erotic music I can listen to for while for
when I am in the mood.
Stumble upon this in search, http://www.rhapsody.com/erotic
Still looking but it has some nice songs, romantic, sensual and erotic dance, gothic.
and electronic influenced music there.
It will do and create some diversions:)
This is funny video, has cartoon nudity and song is ab called Help me Doctor Dick.
This video has cartoon nudity and adult language  in it.

Aww the struggle of mainland

I have been having hard time with the changes in Huin and Nakji.
I am trying to decide what to do, do I take the plunge and go up in tier or do I sell, reduce
and find another option.
I am sad, I am sad about how things seem to have changed for the worse.
I love creating, doodling and my friends in SL but I am wonder the impact of my SL
would be if I don't expand.
Someone messaged me named Holocluck and shared his blog about his own land struggles on mainland.
He came from Cybertown, one of my first virtual worlds.
Bookmarking a new blog to read.
http://holocluck.blogspot.com/

Doodle Baroque Robe, Being Pizza Host

Well here goes nothing I put this up at onrez.
Friends said I should charge more, because if you charge more People will see more value in it.
But I thought gee how many times have I paid 300 to 500L$ for item I just wasn't happy with
the design from some unknown Designer to me.
I rather  have buyers get to know my products and develope some degree in trust in what I am making
first, to feel good about products.
So until regular buyers of my products it would best for now to keep prices below 50L until I actually have more People buying things.
I also allowed myself to become a Pizza Host for Kahni's Pizza.
There so few places where you can play games and have fun I want to support this in whatever
fashion I can be it even as host.
So now I am hosting at Neko's cove tommorow at 8 pm to 10 pm SL time.
I am hoping I have enough L$ to keep in pizza game money to host.
If you want to buy this Doodle Baroque Robe come on over here to get it at Onrez.

We see if I can get better at multi-tasking. Hehehe.

Silence, Change and Finding the magic

This also can apply for Second life. I wrote this for my private uncensored blog.
How does it apply you may ask because at least for me being in Second Life or online is often
one of few places I can my voice and connections.
Sometimes the connections seem like  unrezzed disconnections, where I am typing to myself
in the silence, but sometimes their is connection, then their is a chain reaction.
This is from private blog.

Silence, Change and Finding the magic by FD Spark.

I spent most of my night trying to read about others experiences, to trying find understanding
and meaning through others with my own personal struggles.
I found on my search a lot of powerful words.
Like it isn't rude to speak up set boundaries, that I am not alone in my struggles with who I am,
what I desire, etc.
I also found this very inspiritation Black Lesbian Activitst, Poet named Audre Lorde.
It was hard for her to speak her mind, to fight against the forces who saw no value in her
because of her skin color, gender and sexuality but she became college educated, a Teacher,
Poet and spoke her own truth.
I didn't know much about her or her influence first hand but  I can only imagine.
She wrote:
"I have come to believe over and over again, that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood.... My silences had not protected me. Your silence will not protect you.... and while we wait in silence for that final luxury of fearlessness, the weight of that silence will choke us. The fact that we are here and that I speak these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of those differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilizes us, but silence. And there are so many silences to be broken."
Audre Lorde (The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action, Sister Outsider). 
Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is speak our truth, regardless if shunned, silenced or 
no one gets it or sees value in it.
Lot of people didn't see at time value in what she wrote, they discouraged her but she persisted.
Sometimes when we do the little things in every day life like speak our own truths, don't go a long
with status quo, follow what we believe is true even when others may not get it in our special way
just maybe because we are there speaking out, not comply with whatever is currently believed we
are small tools of change.
If some one hadn't spoken out against racism, sexism or numerous other injustice, and continued to do so
their may never been the changes we see today.
I often think how can I, just  one person who is very insignificant, a freak, poor, little value truly make difference in world around me.

I don't see anything I am doing that really make a impact on others.
My artwork is unnoticed, I am only important to those closest to me.
How can I really make a change?
I have no real words or educate to debate intelligently against those who have education, all their brain cells
their, my brain often feels like its running on 64 mb memory chip where everyone elses in the terabytes.
I am no one.
Yet maybe sometimes we can touch someone in small ways even being no one, we can touch them
so deeply they will find new dreams, new magic, perhaps they can find their own voice and break
the silence of their lives and speak their own truths.
And as they speak up, someone else will be impacted and so on, and so on.
They will find new ways to express the magic, the power within themselves, new ways to create something
wondrous and this will affect another, then another and so on until infinity even though the orginal who inspired
the first has been long forgotten.
It doesn't matter that person was forgotten because in small way the magic still exist when they influenced that one person who influenced another to find their voice, find their magic, find the change in their own lives.
It doesn't matter was remembered, famous or celebrity but what matters more is the impact they had
inspired one person's heart, soul and mind.
Friends. may you find one person you inspire in some small way to find laughter, joy or their own voice that broke the silence and spoke and felt truly heard. 
Sometimes in world full of disconnections, where one often feels alone, unheard, typing to themselves in world
of silence, there is something magical about truly hearing someone else, truly making a connection in some
small way that lessens the isolation of the disconnected sea of souls that exist in vast sea of unseeable
connected entities that exist in so many places that do not see their own connections to each other.

Inspired by Pizza

I haven't been creating much other then pushing few prims around for this new house
I am experimenting building in last week it seems.
But I got this idea for Chef Custom so this is my newest creation.

I may find tune it more.

Is this good enough for a Freebie?

I have made numerous items but they have had issues minor glitches<
that the perfectionist in me doesn't find them worthy of be
sold.
Sarah Nerd is looking for new freebies.
Wonder if this outfit or numerous others are salvagable for giving
as freebies?

Crashing, good and bad type

Some things are just hard for me to deal with in Second and First life.
Some thing I just don't seem to know always how to figure out.
Sometimes it just best to let go and do something else.
I have been trying to figure out media player in Second Life but soon as I get tiny bit of clue what to do I start to crash.
I have been crashing ever since.
Tried to login numerous times last night, even this afternoon twice and now
I am fed up.
So I am watching soothing crashing waves.
Of course I wish I could figure out how to not crash in Second Life and figure out how to get these waves in the viewer but for now all I have is these waves to watch

Same Mistakes & Sucide Agenda

Mood and thoughts sems to be around making the same mistakes over and over
again. I am bit down I guess, feeling generally discouraged.
Song from Jame Blunt seems fitting

The Faint-Agenda Suicide

Moved, Installing Public Toilet room

I recently closed my "uncensored" blog the older Unrezzed Gray Reality blog due to it may be too grumpy and emo for public viewing for just anyone.
I have meant to update some of photos here that also include adult content related images
but I haven't yet been bit distracted.
That is why the adult content setting is set.
Some of my images are very adult related and may not be for everyone or work safe.
Most of my work though is very rated G.
I relocated and I am working on new level for my gallery and shop.
It has been while since I built anything so the prims are little
crooked as my friend Alpha calls it "cheerful"
The toilet is hand drawn
by me.
It look bit distorted with bigger
size and didn't look quite right
having hug toilet hanging over
the restroom door.
Bathroom gives me opportunity
to show off the urinal, shaving sinks and the toilets made by friends Hunter and Auroraskye.
Rest of area is going to be store and gallery space. Yes like Second Life needs another
store or gallery but if nothing else it give me another place to display my work.
I will put up slurl when it's closer to being finished.

Adult content setting

I added adult content setting because some of my art below is adult related.
I haven't been blogging here much but I will probably again.

Uninspired, Emo guys seeks to not care.

I haven't posted much because I am just feeling too emotional these days.
I think it would be easier to just not care.
Song is fitting for my mood right now.
Dirtbag by Brad Sucks
it’s a little bit hard to understand
but i only wanna be a modern man
on the wire it couldn’t be nicer
just thinking about the one that got away
nobody wanna give me heart away
you could make your mind up it could take your time up
it seems you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares
I’m just a dirt bag under the weather and overrated
living underground taking it to the scene
making money not knowing what it means
I’m a liar set shit on fire
take your time talking down to all your friends
living with the little dogs and elephants
it’s hard to find it but i don’t mind it
it seems you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares
i’m just a dirt bag under the weather and overrated
hitching a ride with the bugs and the flies and I’m on my own
hitching a ride with the bugs and the flies and I’m on my own
hitching a ride with the bugs and the flies and I’m on my own
hitching a ride with the bugs and the flies and I’m on my own

I am in your Clubhouse eating your free kittens

Me as a bull dog
avoiding work and real life
hanging out at the Forum
Cartel's club house.

Dagon Inkwork's FD Spark's Doodles

Dagon Inkwork's FD Spark'sDoodles in Etopia Prime
is one of my stores.
I have several under construction one in Faeria
village in Huin, Doodle Garden& House in West Haven,
Dagon & Friends in Shermerville NW.
My sign I have changed about 3 times now
The photo up above is second attempt.
It is replaced with a third design.
Photo below is day time.
I still need to fill up. I am sharing the shop
right now with Auroraskye cause I am still
working on things and it seems a waste have
empty store while I am being perfectionist trying
to put in content I think is "perfect" enough.

Design experiments

The photos are done by Alpha.
There is more but to save space not putting them all here.
My uncensored blog has the mistakes that I need to
correct.

Texture Experiment Doodle House

These images are from one of my building
display areas in West Haven near the sims main teleport
area.
Still got some work to do on it though.

more doodle experiments for landy

Doodles of clothes

shapeshifting, learning and UV Experiments

Tired but had to share my recent new experiments in working with
painting on UV layer.
FD has gender and shaped shifted in to Furious Dyke, Punk Amazon
warrior butchette promoting non-traditional style to all non traditional
Male and Female avatar shape shifters every where.
Meanwhile there is UV suit and Photoshop battles to master and battle
and my nipples and the jewelery, bra lines to figure out.
My nipples are showing but only because I am cold and the nipple are
needing more 3d appearance to show how platonically erect they are under
my bra.

Mouse traced and painted Tuilips

Craftsman style site

In my searches I found interesting site with lot of ideas on Craftsman Style homes
and decor.
Included is lots of black and white images great for me to practice drawing rooms,
stain glass, and fabrics.
There is pretty much every type of design idea in this site all in black and white
images also great for "recoloring" the textures.
Although I am uncertain of who owns the copyright of these images although
images look like they are possibly now in public domain.
I will probably when my energy and time permits it use the site for drawing practice
and to assist me in making better virtual stain glass.
http://www.craftsman-style.info/

Jewels on Clothes, FD grows some Boobs

More images in unrezzed reality, the uncensored thoughts of FD Spark.

Experimenting with Perspective

Working on 3d Art images and perspective....its little off.
Colors changed in side view.
I need to reduplicate this but its one of my experiments.
I was having bit off day so this didn't turn out as well as I like.

No Hair up Your Butt Cornrows

My alt's and mine first hair.
No clue if it will sale but I can't keep renting
in Etopia without some type of income.

gadgets & doodling in my blog

Self portrait done at the bottom of page.
Okay now its bedtime...soon, maybe I will procrastinate little more.
FD's Fruit....ok don't tell Alpha I am still up practicing html.

Hand Drawn Room Illusions

Background of this room is a transparent, hand drawn
bathroom and kitchen.
I still need to do some fine tuning on stove flames perhaps
some food on counters...
But I am tired not sure when I will get around to this.
This is me and few friends having Chocolate Icecream with
whip cream.

Hand Drawn wood & Easter Dress

Happy Easter

Pirate Kitten visits 3rd Life

I must confess I don't shop much but yesterday I went to
Tiny Village that sold tinies and spent a whole lot of money
buying tiny Avatars made by Cat Masala.
Thought it would be funny to show the Ginger Pirate
kitten in 3rd Life garden area I have been working.
The orange image which isn't seen really well here
is image Etapalli did of me with my other avatar I often
like to wear because I love Dark Dhrama short hair style
and baby face is in photo.
I am very picky shopper but it was fun to have more tinies.
I end up buying black kitten, ginger kitten, badger, bull dog
avatar and pirate outfit.

Experiment with Paint.net

First day experiment I did the room. Today I experimented with different
tools made rose but as you see in the letter to my Dearest Mouse there
was some issues.
I guess its just my inexperience with tool right now.
Got little cranky about it so I decided turn it into a joke and
find some humor in my difficulty.
The tools are different in some ways but like I can't automatic merge images
when I want or I just don't know how.
Emboss behaves differently too.